2023: Dust settles

If you know me long enough you'll know the story about how it took nine long years for my dream of joining the BSP to materialize. But while it was everything I hoped and prayed for in 2022, the transition to my new role (at a new environment, with people I barely know at that time) shook me to the core. To say the least–I was lost, disoriented, and confused. 

In 2023, I believe the dust surrounding such a life-changing move has started to settle, albeit not completely. I have since been well-adjusted although time and again my emotions would still roller coaster, throwing existential crisis questions and things like that. But the perspective has changed and the disposition has significantly improved. 

One random afternoon, in the middle of endless scrolling on social media, I encountered something that struck me. It read, "If you weren't capable, the opportunity would have never come your way. You belong." Much like an epiphany, it occurred to me that maybe I am already where I should be, at exactly the right time. From there, I decided embracing the life I was given, because I was given this life for a reason. And because I am strong enough to live it.

To get to this point, however, entailed outgrowing (or putting off) certain things I used to like or enjoy in the past to make room for new ones. It can go as trivial as my favorite Mendokoro ramen which seems to taste differently now. Surprisingly this even included slowing down on taking too many trips than usual. Slowing down does not mean stopping though, and to be fair I still managed to fly to Boracay and Hongkong, and in La Union. Apart from the constraints associated with having quite a hectic work schedule to even fit quick getaways, travels get tiring physically and mentally too. (To be honest, it is already a blur trying to recall how in my 20s I can go straight from the airport to work and still have the energy.) A friend once commented, "Grabe noh, nagtrabaho lang tayo the whole year?". And although this may sound sad for other people, it is surprising that I am actually fine by it partly because I have already accepted it as just a small price to pay to build up the life I recently chose. I see this as a temporary trade-off I'm willing to take to establish something bigger, more tangible, and more stable.

Favorite assignment so far 

All these, while I focus on more important things specifically the career I am trying to build. The learning curve remains steep even twenty months and eight onsite assignments after, but I am also kinder to myself to acknowledge my progress, no matter how little.

In August, I was assigned to be in-charge for the TML examination of a digital bank for the first time, an experience I immensely enjoyed despite some challenges and tight deadlines. It is such a peat to be able to finish the engagement without necessarily breaking down mentally (haha) and with pretty reasonable feedback at that. With this being easily my favorite assignment so far, I would not have it any other way for my first DEIC role.

          Hyper, no more. 14 April 2023

Slowing down also means enjoying the weekends at home doing nothing, drinking coffee, catching up on sleep, whatever. And since we are not getting any younger at 30, I also had a renewed sense of putting my health as a priority. As early as 2014, a lump in my left neck became noticeable. I would go back and forth with medication throughout all these years, only for it to recur. My stubborn self would just shrug it off practically unalarmed. Fast forward to April 2023, I had my first ever surgery to finally address my longstanding hyperthyroidism. I wish it did not take me years (eight years to be exact) to finally undergo partial thyroidectomy, because I have never felt healthier. It is amazing how one surgery corrected a lot of issues in my body (among others): significantly less hairfall, better sleep, improved tolerance to hot temperature, balanced hormones. The only downside is the resulting slowdown in metabolism, making it difficult for me to maintain or lose weight, which I'm trying to manage now by signing up for a gym membership nearby. Thankful to my family and friends for supporting me during this time, as well as to the best team of doctors at PGH. To be honest, I was hesitant to receive the procedure from PGH at first due to many misconceptions, but everything actually went smoothly and we are completely satisfied with their services. 

KSH, Neyo, Westlife, Honne, Lauv, Zack
 

Other 2023 highlights include attending various events/concerts of my favorite artists: Kim Seon Ho fanmeet, Neyo, Westlife, Honne, Lauv, Hamilton, and Zack Tabudlo. This year I also attended my friends' weddings one after another, including that of my bestfriend's, as well as my first ever destination wedding in Bohol. While for this new year, I have at least six onsite assignments lined up, plus an international trip and several domestic trips booked. I am also looking forward to attend the weddings of some of my closest friends, as well as the 60th birthday party we are arranging for dad. 

2023 will always be a special year for me, a milestone year as I turned 30. The big 3 and 0, as they say. Unlike the others, I loveeeeee being at this age and I consider this as just the start of my 'prime' years ahead of me. Sometimes I don't understand why some people prefer the 20s? At 30: I know better (or at least I think I do), I can support my needs and wants, I can buy nice things, I get to choose my circle, and I depend on myself. Generally speaking, life is reasonably comfortable. 

Despite not being comfortable all the time. I would go as far a comparison the chaotic but ever so alive New York City where literally I was at January 1st to how things were at the start of the year. But the calm and the steady resulting from the dust that settled in 2023 is something I would bring coming into 2024: to fully embrace the present, to enjoy even the most mundane of things, and to find peace in it. Quiet, and undisturbed.

Love, 

KRTRT

P.S. Funny how it took this long to publish the year-end blog. Life happened. The past month felt like an extension of 2023 in my life calendar. I even considered skipping this year in favor of creating a 2023 reel, because who still writes a blog to this day? But since I am extra AF, and also it is my 15th year (!!!) doing this, I'm doing both. Thanks for reading/watching. Happy Chinese New Year!

2022: Dreams

I will not miss it for the world: you know, writing about the year my life changed forever...

The year I joined THE. BSP. (Goosebumps, to be freaking honest.)

Thank You, Lord! From "One day" to "Day One" ♥ 

It was mid-2021 when the whole application process started: pre-employment exam, interviews, and submission of documents, among others. It was as if everything was going so smoothly in the span of about 2-3 months...and then a LOT of waiting came after that.

I thought I was cool with waiting. This experience, however, was different. My life was literally put on hold, not hearing from anyone for about seven more months. Believe me when I say: seven more months of being in limbo, not having clear direction, and pretty much feeling lost...WAS. CRAZY. Even to me who's been pulling off the delaying gratification mantra since forever. To some extent, I felt defeated.

There was also a lot of crying randomly at random times of the day. Any update no matter how small would make me jump off my feet in anticipation, only sometimes the excitement would turn into frustrations. And the frustrations would build up into bitterness. It had me asking myself: is this the right dream for me? My prayer during this time was simple—and I remember this very vividly—to understand why, and to have a clear cut answer whether this is really meant for me. If not, I would have gladly stayed with DBP. After all, this has been my home and comfort zone for the past eight years.

It took a little over 10 months in total. AND AT LEAST EIGHT YEARS BACK. This is the first time I'm telling this story openly. While everything is progressing, I can't help but look back at my many conversations with friends since 2013. Happy to share some in here, primarily so we can be soft together. 

To say the least, THE DREAM HAS ALWAYS BEEN BSP. A dream NINE years in the making. TYL for making 2022 the year my "One Day" turned into "Day One"!

I want it, I got it. My heart lowkey kept yearning for it. Fast forward to May 2022 when I officially joined BSP. It is not the dream employer/institution for most of us in the banking industry for nothing. I can personally attest why with only eight months in. People are not only professional, they are evidently competent especially considering the technicalities of bank supervision. You see, the role is completely new to me, despite supposedly having a background in both economics and banking. Being the newbie is indeed quite humbling. Lacking the institutional knowledge about regulations, my emotions would spiral every time I am assigned one bank engagement after another. Fortunately, CATSD has so far been welcoming and accommodating with even my most basic and probably stupid questions. Grateful as well for new friendships!

5 rallies, 2 mall walks, 1 HQ gathering, 1 H2H

The transition to this new life was not easy for me. Government agency transfer does not allow a gap in service and so I did not have a lot of time to let everything sink in—ESPECIALLY while I'm still grieving what could be the biggest heartbreak of my life: the results of #Halalan2022. A shattered dream if you ask me. Best believe I was DEVASTATED. But I know I will be fine regardless, so I grieve not for myself but for those who have been victims of the poor education and political system in the country. Despite this, I believe the seed has already been planted. Damn, there was HOPE. There still IS. My active involvement both online and on the ground will always be core memory to me. I would gladly do it again in a heartbeat. 

Another dream of mine is to live a life that I genuinely enjoy. Obviously for me, this involves less about material things and a lot about travel and other experiences. Guess I was plain lucky this year. Domestic travels include Baguio with the entire fam, a liberating solo trip to Cebu City, and at least three separate trips to (drumroll, please) MY Boracay. I also got to see my favorite artists perform in concerts—Jeremy Zucker in October, LANY in November, and Ben&Ben in December. Indeed, beach trips and live music keep me alive. Looking forward to more this 2023.

To cap it all off, my sister, cousin, nephew and I went to one of the world's dreamiest destinations to celebrate the holidays. Oh, New York. New York was amazing. Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, indeed. Hate the tipping culture, though. My favorite would have to be Central Park where nature and urban life coexist, in all its picturesque glory. Of course, we also went to the Statue of Liberty, which I jokingly refer to as the Statue of Kimberly in social media. It was likewise pretty emotional to watch Hamilton as my first-ever Broadway show, and in the greatest city in the world, at that. In terms of food, nothing was super exceptional to me, except for sure for the Michelin-star Peter Luger steak in Brooklyn. Aside from NYC, I likewise stayed in Los Angeles for a week, with my solo visit to Disneyland as the highlight. That fireworks display in front of the famous Sleeping Beauty castle was spectacular and simply so pleasing to the eyes. I'm not even exaggerating when I say my always-emotional self felt all possible emotions all at the same time.

Concrete jungle where dreams are made of!

For 2023 moving forward, my wish is to not mishandle what I prayed for. Easy to say I've chased some dreams this year. But not without some hurdles. I'd be happy to know if at least one person will be inspired by this story. That what is meant for you, won't pass you by. Amidst all the waiting, my key takeaway from this year is simply that waiting seasons are not wasted seasons. The universe, and ultimately God, is preparing us to receive the fullness of our heart's desires. 

Let me end with what one of my closest friends shared with me: a relevant quote from the poem Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, "And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should." 

Trust me. Chase that dream. I'm happy I did.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Love, KRTRT

2021: Mapa

What better way to describe my year 2021 other than the lyrics of easily one of the best OPM songs ever released, a song called "Mapa" released by rising P-Pop group SB19. You may listen to the original version: "MAPA" Official Lyric Video or listen/watch their collaboration with Ben&Ben on YouTube: "MAPA" (Band Version) Official MV (No copyright infringement intended.)

Needless to say, this song resonated with me in more ways than one, so I'm making it the theme of this year's yearend blog. Read up on my amazing 2021. 

*****

"'Wag mag-alala. Ipikit ang 'yong mata, ta'na. Pahinga muna, ako na'ng bahala. Labis pa sa labis ang 'yong nagawa. Ma, Pa, pahinga muna. Ako na." My dad is finally back for good in the Philippines after working for 14 years in Italy. Even until now, I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for my parents to raise a family that is physically apart. And so the words "Ako na." in the lyrics specifically hit differently, knowing the responsibility is now on my shoulders. Major adjustments must be made not only financially but also on household dynamics. A role reversal, simply put. Admittedly, I was very anxious about this at first, assessing if I'm ready. I guess my conclusion is: I will never be, but in my heart I am confident that things will turn out fine eventually. True enough, God always more than provides. It is especially at a time like this that I best appreciate having a really stable job which not only pays the bills, but also provides a secure present and future for me and my family. I am also grateful for the help of my sisters, who despite having their own household to manage, never faltered in giving support for the family. Eight months in, I'm just happy that with their retirement, my parents are now able to rest as they please, spend and make up for lost time together. 

"'Di ko na sasayangin pa'ng mga natitirang paghinga. Tutungo na kung sa'n naro'n ang mahalaga." The family was unfortunately not spared from COVID-19 this year. We tested positive shortly after my birthday trip to Boracay in July, though we are not sure where the exposure was exactly. We are grateful that the symptoms were mild and that it only warranted home quarantine. Best believe it was largely because of the protection provided by the vaccines. As in the lyrics of the song–this experience served as a reminder that life is short, that our time in this world is limited, and that we should not waste our time on temporary things. I used this time to reflect and reevaluate some life choices and to focus on what is really most important including those we normally take for granted like health, family time, human connection and friendships, self-care, self-love, rest, and peace of mind. 

As human beings, we are designed to adapt to extreme situations for survival but not for an extended period of time, definitely not for two years or more. This pandemic exhausted the hell out of us physically but moreso emotionally and mentally. Which is why this year, I try my best not to be guilty for doing nothing and not being productive–"wasting" time listening to non-stop Spotify, watching Hometown Chachacha repeatedly, or fangirling over KSH for an unhealthy amount of time, as my way of taking sanity breaks.

The sanity breaks I look forward to the most though are my trips alone, with friends or with family. I went on several spontaneous trips this year, and by spontaneous I mean impulsive booking simply because "I need the beach" or "I need a break" or I feel like "I deserve this". While this is a privilege I am thankful about, I also acknowledge not a lot of people get to enjoy the same at their disposal. The safest/easiest destination to reach given the situation includes the likes of Camaya Coast, Antipolo, Tagaytay and Las Casas Filipinas de Acuzar, all of which I enjoyed considerably. In December, my parents and I went for another spontaneous trip this time to Bohol, with just the three of us, sealing the deal for my Best Daughter of the Year award. (Haha) Kidding aside, the highlight of course is my birthday trip to Boracay which as you know by now is my favorite place on earth, with my most favorite people in the world. This trip really got me emotional especially after hearing my dad randomly say, "Hindi ko na-imagine na mararanasan ko ito sa buong buhay ko." referring to the parasailing and helmet diving activities that we did earlier that day. It was both heartbreaking and heartwarming to me. TYL for giving me the chance to give back to my parents this way, and I pray that I get to do this with them for a much longer time. 

"At kahit na kailan pa ma'y 'di mawawala 'pagkat dala ko ang mapa. Sa'n man mapunta alam kung sa'n nagmula." This year, I got promoted to the rank of a Senior Manager, which is quite a feat at a young age of 28 with only 6 years of stint in the bank. It feels great to be recognized this way, and I'm truly grateful for those who helped me achieve this, especially my AOA, the bosses, colleagues and the clients. I will forever be grateful to DBP for providing me the best years and opportunity early in my career. I promise to do my best for the remainder of my stay in this beloved institution. 

Perhaps the biggest personal milestone this year is finally finishing my MBA, and with flying colors at that. As I have been saying in the past, my MBA journey has been the most enriching three years of my life, hands down. It stimulated my love for learning, as I enjoy hearing insightful inputs and discussions from my classmates and professors. It allowed me to see things differently using perspective from various fields. At first, I dreaded the idea of shifting to online classes but on the hindsight I appreciated it turning out to be a very unique experience to have a mix of both offline and online classes. It was not easy at all. It required a lot of sacrifices, time and energy. It would at times even reach a point of questioning your whys. I may have cried more often than I should, but indeed hardwork and perseverance really do pay off in the end. It was damn worth it. More importantly, here I gained amazing friends who I will treasure forever. Special shoutout to Bad Genius, my ever dependable support system. I cannot imagine going through this hell without your help. Not to mention, we are also the first and only batch with 100% first-take passing rate in the Comprehensive exams in the history of UP MBA. So congratulations, BMBE. I am extremely proud of everyone. I will keep on praying for a face-to-face graduation next year so we can march and celebrate together. Personally I can't wait to wear my Sablay for the second time around. Malayong lupain, amin mang marating, 'di rin magbabago ang damdamin. Salamat, UP Naming Mahal. I would not have it any other way. 

Finally, "Sa'n man mapunta, alam kung sa'n nagmula." It may seem like I have my life all figured out given these accomplishments, but as in this lyrics, it is important to always go back to our values, our core. I am happy to have a solid support system: my parents, my family, and my circle of friends who kept me grounded at all times. Thank you for being my rock; for serving as the "map" which guided and provided me direction. I am looking forward to a lot of things this coming year 2022, for example my transfer from one great employer to another (a dream 8 years in the making! 😭). I am both excited and scared, but I'm ready.

Thank you, 2021. It was a good year, full of life lessons which I will bring with me going into 2022. Finally, let me share the single biggest lesson that is particularly evident to me this year: everything really does happen for a reason, regardless whether that is revealed right away or not. Life's delays, denials or detours are just God's redirection towards something even bigger. And that His plans and His perfect timing are exactly that–perfect. At 28, I still live by the concept of delaying gratification, and my friends would attest to how patient I am on things that matter to me. What I'm trying to say, I have embraced the idea that waiting seasons are not wasted seasons. Indeed, Tutungo kung saan naroon ang mahalaga. Entering 2022, may we never lose focus on the things that matter, to set our goals straight while being open and flexible to making mistakes–towards a better version of ourselves, achieving greater milestones and finding happiness.

Thank you for reading. Happy New Year!

With love, 

KRTRT 💕

While you're here, let us all together share a very specific prayer for next year: for #LeniKiko to win the elections. May the Philippines be redirected towards the direction of competence, respectful discourse, and overall progress. 🎀